Escape to Paradise: Casa Andina Select Zorritos Awaits!
Okay, buckle up buttercups, because we're diving headfirst into a messy, unfiltered review of a hotel. I'm not some polished travel writer; I'm just me, and I'm about to tell you EVERYTHING, the good, the slightly-less-good, and the "maybe-they-should-rethink-that" about this place. I'm going to try to be SEO-genius, which is code for "Google, please rank this thing!" – but honestly, I’m just hoping someone finds it helpful. Here we go…
The Hotel: (Let's just call it "The Oasis" for now, and I'll fill in the actual name later, because… well, you'll see.)
First impressions are… well, they're a thing. Because lets be honest, the first thing you want is that perfect Instashot for your feed.
Accessibility: The Road Less Traveled (and Sometimes Paved with Good Intentions)
Alright, let’s be real. Some hotels say they're accessible, but… The Oasis seems to have tried. Wheelchair accessible rooms are listed, which is a HUGE plus. But I need more details. Are the doorways wide enough? What about the bathroom, because that's where things fall apart FAST. The Elevator is crucial, obviously, and it is listed, which is GOOD but is it accessible to all floors? I am assuming that they adhere to legal requirements. Having a Facilities for disabled guests section is a good start, but gotta dig deeper to know if things actually work . I'm going to have to trust they didn't just check a box, but in the real world, where you are actually going to use the elevators, it matters a whole lot more.
On-site Restaurants/Lounges & Dining, Drinking & Snacking: Food Glorious, and Complicated, Food!
Okay, here's the fun part (for me, the foodie!). The Oasis lists a LOT. Restaurants, plural! And options galore: A la carte in restaurant, Asian cuisine, International cuisine, Vegetarian restaurant. That's a great signal! But… I need to know which restaurants, and specifics of which menus is available. Are they good? Reviews will be key. A lot of hotels list options and then deliver… mediocrity. I crave authenticity. The Breakfast [buffet] is key. Will there be eggs and bacon? (I need my breakfast). The Poolside bar is a MUST. Especially if it has a killer happy hour. Coffee/tea in restaurant is good, but is the coffee actually drinkable or from a vending machine? Snack bar and Room service [24-hour]? Game changers, especially after a late night. Bottle of water? Essential. Desserts in restaurant? Uh, yes please! Now I need more reviews. If the service is bad, that's an automatic negative for me.
My Stream of Consciousness Rant on Food Standards:
*Honestly, I'm tired of bland hotel food. I want flavor! I want a chef who *loves* food! I want the kind of restaurant that has a line out the door and that I remember fondly years after I visited.*
COVID-19 Precautions: Gotta Feel Safe to Relax!
This is HUGE right now. The Oasis is boasting about Anti-viral cleaning products and Daily disinfection in common areas. That's reassuring. Hand sanitizer stations are a must, and they are listed, good. Rooms sanitized between stays is another big check. Staff trained in safety protocol better mean they actually follow it. Physical distancing of at least 1 meter is a good rule but I’m curious how they're implementing this in the breakfast buffet. Cashless payment service is smart. Individually-wrapped food options are a plus. The Safe dining setup and Sanitized kitchen and tableware items are all important. I'm less concerned about the Room sanitization opt-out available because if the staff is following procedures, then I am safer than not. I want to relax, not worry. I do need to be extra cautious, since my allergies are really sensitive.
Things to Do & Ways to Relax: Spa Day, Anyone?
This is where a hotel can succeed or fail. The Oasis is promising a lot. Spa, Spa/sauna, Sauna, steamroom. Sounds good! Massage is a MUST for me, gotta have it, but hopefully it’s a legit massage and not just some person who can rub your back. Body scrub, Body wrap? Fancy! Swimming pool, Swimming pool [outdoor], Pool with view. YES! I love a good pool. I’m picturing myself with a cocktail, staring at the view. Pure bliss. Fitness center, Gym/fitness : I should probably use them, but…no promises!
Internet & Tech: Gotta Stay Connected (Sadly)
Free Wi-Fi in all rooms! YES! Internet is listed multiple times, and Internet [LAN], and Wi-Fi in public areas. That is good, so I will have to test the speed to see if real.
My Personal Wi-Fi Nightmare:
I once stayed at a hotel that claimed to have "blazing fast Wi-Fi." It was so slow, I swear I could've gotten a better connection by using carrier pigeons with tiny USB drives attached. I ended up sitting in the lobby downloading files. That's the kind of thing that drives me CRAZY.
Cleanliness and Safety: Feeling Secure is Key
Cleanliness and safety: The Oasis is claiming to do a lot of things right in this area. I want to know the details! CCTV in common areas, CCTV outside property, Fire extinguisher, Front desk [24-hour], Room decorations, Safety/security feature, Security [24-hour], Smoke alarms, Smoke detectors and Non-smoking rooms is a good start. I'm also looking for Smoke alarms, which are critical. And, frankly, I always appreciate a Safety deposit box in the room. These are things I'm hoping for and the hotel has listed them!
Services and Conveniences: Little Things Mean a Lot
Alright, this is where a hotel really makes a good impression. Daily housekeeping, YES! Laundry service and Dry cleaning? Awesome. Concierge is important; I love a place with a good concierge! Luggage storage, Elevator, Facilities for disabled guests, Gift/souvenir shop, Ironing service and Doorman? All great. The more conveniences, the better. Cash withdrawal, Currency exchange is useful. Convenience store is always good to have.
For the Kids: Family Friendly or Family Frustrating?
Babysitting service is a big plus. Family/child friendly is a general term. Kids facilities can be anything from a kids' pool to a full-blown kids' club. Kids meal is important. I'm not travelling with kids, but that is a good detail.
In-Room Amenities: Does This Feel Like Home (or a Motel 6)?
Air conditioning? Essential! Alarm clock, Bathrobes, Blackout curtains, Coffee/tea maker, Complimentary tea, Desk, Extra long bed, Free bottled water, Hair dryer, In-room safe box, Private bathroom, Reading light, Refrigerator, Satellite/cable channels, Seating area, Separate shower/bathtub, Slippers, Smoke detector, Soundproofing, Telephone, Toiletries, Towels, Umbrella, Wake-up service, Wi-Fi [free], Window that opens. That all sounds good on the list. I want to know about the quality though!
My Personal In-Room Pet Peeves:
I HATE scratchy towels. I want soft, fluffy towels! And a comfortable bed is a MUST. Honestly, I can forgive a lot of things, but a bad bed is the end of a good day.
Services and Conveniences: Other Considerations
Air conditioning in public area, Audio-visual equipment for special events, Business facilities, Cash withdrawal, Concierge, Contactless check-in/out, Convenience store, Currency exchange, Daily housekeeping, Doorman, Dry cleaning, Elevator, Essential condiments, Facilities for disabled guests, Food delivery, Gift/souvenir shop, Indoor venue for special events, Invoice provided, Ironing service, Laundry service, Luggage storage, Meeting/banquet facilities, Meetings, Meeting stationery, On-site event hosting, Outdoor venue for special events, Projector/LED display, Safety deposit boxes, Seminars, Shrine, Smoking area, Terrace, Wi-Fi for special events, Xerox/fax in business center. That's a lot of options…
Getting Around: Don’t Want to Get Lost!
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Seamoonhouse Tainan: Taiwan's Hidden Gem You NEED to See!
Alright, buckle up buttercups, because this isn't your grandma's perfectly planned travel itinerary. We're diving headfirst into the messy, sun-drenched, probably-got-sand-in-my-pants reality of Casa Andina Select Zorritos, Tumbes, and Bocapán, Peru. Prepare for a rollercoaster.
The "Maybe-I'll-Actually-Get-Up-Before-Noon" Itinerary (or, the Plan That Will Definitely Change):
Day 1: Arrival and the Great Pool Obsession
Morning (or Let's Be Honest, Early Afternoon): Arrive at the airport. (Hopefully I remembered my passport. Classic.) The flight was… well, flights. Always feel like you're crammed into a sardine can, but hey, free peanuts! Taxi to Casa Andina Select Zorritos. Oh. My. God. The vibe. Palm trees swaying, the turquoise of the pool practically screaming "jump in!" Immediately ditch luggage (wherever it fits), and sprint towards the water. This is the kind of pool my entire existence has been building towards. It's perfection!
Afternoon: Post-swim bliss. Lunch at the hotel restaurant. Fish ceviche, obviously. (And maybe a pisco sour. Or two. Peru, you temptress!) I'm trying to be sophisticated, I really am, but I'm already covered in salt, sunscreen, and the kind of contented happiness usually reserved for puppies. Spend the rest of the afternoon perfecting my tan (read: carefully avoiding sunburn) and contemplating the meaning of life whilst bobbing about in the aforementioned pool.
Evening: Dinner at the hotel, again probably. Lazy is an understatement. Might venture out to explore the local area (Zorritos is a tiny town, mind you, so "explore" could mean, "walk 50 meters"). Maybe find a little dive bar/beach shack for some more local flavor. Praying for live music. Praying even harder that I can understand the lyrics.
Day 2: Bocapán Bliss and Beach Battles
Morning: Okay, the "get up before noon" thing didn't happen. Again. Breakfast at the hotel. Pancakes, because vacation calories don't count. Then, hire a taxi/mototaxi/whatever-gets-you-there to Bocapán. I'm picturing deserted beaches, turquoise water, and me chilling on a hammock, sipping something fruity. Reality will likely involve sand, a few too many flies, and the desperate need to reapply sunscreen every five minutes.
Midday: Hit the beach in Bocapán. I'm going to try to find a spot where I can actually relax. Probably read a book. Definitely take a million photos. Am I basic? Probably. Do I care? Absolutely not! I'm embracing the cliché of "beach bum" life.
Afternoon: Swimming! And maybe some surfing. I've never surfed before, but how hard can it be? (Famous last words, I'm already bracing for a wipeout.) Or, if the waves are too fierce or the fear too real, just continue the beach-bum thing, except with slightly more sand in my underpants.
Evening: Head back to Zorritos. Tonight, I'll definitely try to leave the resort. Maybe find an interesting looking restaurant and watch the sunset from there. The sunset should be pretty spectacular from the coast, I'm hoping.
Day 3: The Tumbes Tango and a Fishy Fiasco (Maybe)
Morning: Okay, today's the day! Venture further afield. Early start: Tumbes! This is supposed to be a charming colonial town. I'm envisioning colorful buildings, bustling markets, and the taste of something delicious being cooked. The bus ride might be slightly terrifying (Peruvian roads… well, let's just say they add a certain thrill to the journey), but hey, adventure!
Midday: Explore Tumbes. Hopefully, my Spanish isn't too horrific. I am aiming to purchase some souvenirs. And lunch! Hopefully, I will find some local food in Tumbes that tastes delicious.
Afternoon: Return to the hotel in the afternoon. If there's time, I might try to book a boat trip to see the mangroves. I've heard the wildlife is amazing, and if there are any caiman, I'll keep my distance.
Evening: This is my last night, so, I'll repeat and rewind some activities: dinner at the hotel, swim in the pool, and watch the sunset. Try to capture the moment.
Day 4: Departure, Debriefing, and the Sad Goodbye
Morning: One last leisurely breakfast. One last longing look at that glorious pool. One last desperate attempt to cram all my souvenirs into my suitcase. Then the taxi to the airport. The goodbyes are the hardest part. But I had such a great time!
Afternoon: This could be the flight of my life. Or, it could be the flight from hell, depending on whether I can work on the plane.
Evening: Arrive back to the real world. Start the planning for the next trip.
Quirky Observations, Ramblings, and Emotional Reactions (Unfiltered):
The Pool: Okay, I'm obsessed. It's not just a pool; it's a vibe. The way the sun hits the water… the gentle lapping of the waves… I could live here. If I could just magically teleport the pool to my backyard, my life would be complete. Also, note to self: Invest in waterproof mascara.
The Language Barrier: My Spanish is… rusty. Let's go with that. I'm hoping to get better, but I'm pretty sure I'll end up ordering the wrong thing at least once. Or twice. Or maybe every meal. But hey, that's part of the adventure, right?
The Food: Ceviche. Need I say more? I'm already dreaming of fresh seafood, juicy fruit, and all the deliciousness Peru has to offer. Seriously, my taste buds are tingling with anticipation. And the pisco sours? They're a danger. A delicious, slightly hazy danger.
The Bugs: Okay, I'm a little nervous about the bugs. I hear the sandflies are vicious. Spraying is essential. Deodorant? Maybe not so much.
The Overall Feeling: Pure, unadulterated bliss. I'm so ready to escape the everyday grind and just be. To relax, to explore, to soak up the sun, and to come back feeling refreshed and, hopefully, a little bit wiser. Or at least with a killer tan.
This "itinerary" is more of a guideline, a whisper to myself, a hope, an ambition. The real adventure will be the unexpected moments, the wrong turns, the laughter, the challenges. And the inevitable sunburnt nose. I can't wait.
Escape to Paradise: Villa Aditya 2 Awaits in Seminyak, Bali
Why am I so tired? Seriously, is it just me?
Oh honey, *you* and me both. Right now? Coffee's brewing, but I'm still clinging on by a thread. Look, being tired is a national pastime at this point. Could be a million things. Maybe you’re actually doing too much (which leads to burning out), or perhaps you're not doing *enough*. That sounds weird right? But like, maybe you don't give yourself enough downtime to decompress? I know I don't. Trying to be a superwoman is exhausting. And honestly, those "hustle culture" posts on Instagram? They're just pure gaslighting when you're staring at your ceiling at 3 AM, wondering if you accidentally sleepwalked and set your alarm for 1:00 AM. I digress. Go easy on yourself, okay? Sleep more, worry less.
Is it okay to... I don't know... eat ice cream for dinner?
Look, *you* asked the tough questions, didn't you? Okay, here's my honest opinion: Unless your doctor’s giving you the side-eye, your internal monologue is screaming "no more", or your partner/roommate/cat is staging an intervention, then YES! Eat the darn ice cream! I remember this one time, I was *so* stressed - like, client deadlines, bills piling up, that feeling where your to-do list mocks you – and all I had in the freezer was a tub of Ben & Jerry's. I mean, what was I going to do? *Not* eat it? I had a spoon, a Netflix binge, and a whole lotta existential dread to work through. It was glorious. The next morning, I regretted the sugar rush a little, but honestly? It was a momentary slice of heaven. So, yes. Ice cream for dinner. (Don’t tell my dentist.)
How do I deal with feeling... lost? Like, in life in general?
Oh man, the big one, eh? Look, no one *really* has it figured out. Seriously. Anyone who looks like they do is either lying or hasn't taken a good hard look in the mirror lately. I think that "lost" feeling is just part of the ride. I've been lost more times than I can count! I lost my keys yesterday, again. Anyway, embrace the chaos. Try everything. Read books, travel, have stupid conversations with strangers. Try to find something you love, even if it’s as trivial as watching squirrels trying to bury nuts (I'm currently obsessed). And for the love of all that is holy, stop comparing yourself to other people. Social media is a highlight reel, not reality. Seriously, that perfect-looking influencer? They're probably crying in their closet about something. (Or at least, I hope they are. Misery loves company, right? Kidding!)
What if I mess up? Like, *really* mess up?
Oh, darling, we *all* mess up. That's life! Have I messed up? Oh boy, let me tell you! I once accidentally sent a very unprofessional email to my *entire board of directors*! I thought I'd sent it to my supportive friend, with all the usual stuff. The mortification burned for days! But you know what? The world didn't end. People are incredibly resilient, myself included, and forgiving. If you mess up, you have to apologize sincerely, learn from it, and then...move on. The past is past. Sticking a pin in it, and not letting it fester is important. You're gonna make mistakes. Seriously. Own them, fix them if you can, and make sure to laugh at yourself later. Because if you can't laugh at your own failures, what can you laugh at?
How do I stop overthinking everything?
Oh, the question that plagues us all! Hmm... I wish I had a magic bullet for this one. Honestly, it's my life's work trying *not* to overthink (which, of course, leads me to overthinking *that*). The suggestions are the same. Try meditation, deep breathing, exercise (yes, I know it's cliché, but it *does* help). Write down your anxieties. Talk it out with someone you trust. Personally, I find that the more I try *not* to think a thought, the more it hammers at the back of my brain. So, I try to *embrace* the overthinking, at least for a little while. Then, tell myself to accept that thought and let it go. I’m not perfect, far from it, but this at least prevents me from going completely mad! It's an ongoing battle. It's like wrestling a particularly stubborn octopus – exhausting, but ultimately, kinda worth it. You will just have to try things. See what works.
What's the secret to happiness?
Oh boy. This is *the* golden question, isn't it? And the answer? *drumroll* ...There isn't one! (Sorry to disappoint, but I am being honest, right?!) It's not a destination; it's a journey. It’s a collection of moments, some good, some bad, maybe a few utterly bonkers. Find what makes you feel... well, not just happy, but *content*. Maybe it's a good book, a friend, a pet, a cup of tea on a rainy day, or a really, really good song. For me? It might be all of the above, plus the knowledge that I can be utterly flawed and still be...me. (And also, maybe, secretly, having a fresh tub of ice cream in the freezer just in case.) The key is to embrace the messy, the imperfect, and the utterly unique chaos that is *you*. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go stare at the sky and maybe eat some leftover pizza. Peace out!
